Hanging out with my pal Trixy

Trixy and me

I unearthed this gem while going through some old photos in my family home. By my calculations, I would have been about 8 at the time. This would have been before Trixy went completely feral and began living under the shed.

For Trixy’s full story, click here.

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A very special client: Mini (aka Minnie aka Minnie the Moocher)

Let me tell you some things about Mini.

Mini puppy

Mini became a member of my family 16 years ago, at which point she was about the size of a hand. Soon after, she suffered a traumatic incident when my brother was shooting hoops and a basketball landed on her tiny, tiny head. We believe this accounts in part for the curious behaviour that followed.

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As she grew up, Mini developed some peculiar habits. She was an innately useless guard dog that would bark ferociously at anyone approaching the front door and then roll on to her backside as soon as the door was opened. There were also the rare occasions when she would obsessively guard a certain object, which could be anything from a bone to a nondescript piece of plastic, and would ravage your hand if you attempted to retrieve it. We tended to keep our distance when she was in these moods. You may laugh at the idea of such a small animal causing any sort of fear but you just… don’t… know.

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Despite such behaviour, we accepted Mini as an equal member of the family. So much so that we would leave a seat for her around the dining room table whenever we gathered for dinner. Our other dog Rainbow never received such privileges.

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In her heyday, Mini’s jumping ability was unrivalled in the canine world. As the years progressed, however, her epic leaps turned into epic fails when she would attempt to jump on a bed but slam into the side of it instead. These days she can barely surmount the 2 inches required to get through the doggy door. It’s pretty sad.

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At the age of 16 Mini is still going strong. Sure, she mostly sleeps all day and, yes, she makes these grunting noises whenever she moves and, YES, she’s almost completely deaf and blind, but every now and then she gets this playful glimmer in her cataract-covered eyes and invites you to chase her around the house, just like she used to, and you know she’s still the same ol’ Mini at heart. Ah, Mini… what a dog.

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Going home

Since starting this blog, there’s been many trains but nothing in the way of planes and labradors… that is, until now. The reason for this is that I’ve recently flown into my home town of Perth, Australia for the wedding of a close friend, more specifically this friend:

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My friend suffers from a very tragic and very real condition in which a state of terror is induced whenever a water bottle is placed on his head. Not convinced? Here’s some further evidence:

Paul 1

It’s all very sad. Anyway, I’m very excited to be back in Australia, where I’ve spent over two decades of my life. I always find going home a little disorientating. I know it’s just another English-speaking country, but the climate, general lifestyle and demeanour of the average person are just so different to what I’ve become accustomed to in England that it always feels like I’ve travelled to another planet rather than another city on the other side of the world. That said, this is my fourth trip back since I moved to England and the transition already feels a lot smoother than usual. Could this be a side effect of my itinerant lifestyle of late? I know not.

So in summary, I’m very excited to be here. Excited and ever so slightly confused. Some things you can expect in the next couple of weeks:

– an appearance from a dear old friend and a VERY SPECIAL client

– tales of debauchery from the stag party and wedding night (if I can get away with it)

I’ll also keep my eyes peeled for some labradors. Wouldn’t want to be accused of false advertising after all.

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The wild animal has been tamed!

A tamer Paws

Earlier on, he was lying on my lap and purring and everything.

Here’s a photo of Paws hiding his face in shame:

Paws trying to hide his shame

For a link to the cat he used to be CLICK HERE.

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Client #128: Parsley

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Likes: Personal space

Dislikes: Taking his thyroid medication

Longest stretch without moving: 26 hours, 32 minutes and 7 seconds

Claim to fame: Reigning champion of the “Be a  Statue” competition for four years running

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NB: The original version of this profile cast Parsley in a far more positive light, but after a bit of an ordeal giving him his meds from which I walked away with tears and a bloody hand, it’s fair to say I’m not his biggest fan RIGHT NOW.

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Photos of a wild animal (aka Paws)

A wild animal from a distance

A wild animal from closer up

A wild animal having his elevenses

A wild animal being interrupted from his elevenses

A wild animal behind some sort of prickly tree

The vaguely corporeal blur of a wild animal in motion

A wild animal playing Hide and Seek

A wild animal shooting lasers from its eyes

And now some blown up images to further illustrate just how wild this animal is…

Look at that snarl!

Jesus.

Wild… freakin’… animal

BONUS PHOTO OF PATCH LOOKING TOTALLY BOSS

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Client #127: Patch

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Favourite activity: Rubbing his head against things

Goal in life: To rub his head against all the things

Claim to fame: He was THE black and white cat in Postman Pat (See below)

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UPDATE: Ever since putting this post up, I’ve found myself unable to eject the Postman Pat theme tune from my mind. It’s come to the point that I genuinely fear that I’ll be hearing the tale of the affable postman and his monochromatic partner in good deeds for the rest of my days. If anyone could send me the link for an appropriate support group, it would be very much appreciated, thank you kindly.

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